The Woman of Excellence

(Transcript of Mother’s Day Message 2008) 

Proverbs chapter 31 and its instruction on the subject of an excellent wife covers a broad spectrum of the model or image of a biblicaly oriented mother.

The book of Proverbs is a collection of wisdom that fathers and mothers were to give to their children. It was common in a Jewish family for a father to teach his sons the truths of this book. And not only a father, but also a mother, for on several occasions it says, “Not to forsake the instruction of your mother.” This was basically the composite practical manual for living that Jewish parents taught their children.

One of the very most important things that children needed to learn was directed, in particular, at the young boys - how to select the right woman to marry. In fact, earlier on in the book of Proverbs young men are warned against the antithesis of the “excellent wife”, the wrong kind of woman, the adulteress who flatters with her lips, who forsakes her own husband, breaks covenant and entertains a union with someone else, whose lips drip honey but who brings about death and destruction, the smooth-tongued adulteress who hunts for the precious life to make him her prey. Proverbs warns against the noisy woman, the quarrelsome woman, the rebellious woman, the foolish woman. And the sons of Israel were to be warned to stay away from and avoid all such women.

In chapter 12 of Proverbs and verse 4 it says, “An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who brings shame is like rottenness in his bones.” Find an excellent wife, stay away from anything less is the seeming imperative.

In chapter 19 and verse 14 comes a hopeful truth. It says, “House and wealth are inherited from fathers, but a prudent wife is from the LORD.” So all the way through this book of wisdom there is instruction about what kind of woman to avoid contrasted with the excellent woman or the excellent wife who is a gift from God.

The consumption of this teaching is in the final chapter of Proverbs. Chapter 31 is the final lesson from a parent to a child, from a mother to her son on the essential qualities of an “excellent wife and mother”. Contrasted with the qualities emulated by our society, many of these are in opposition to what the general public considers an “excellent woman and mother”

What kind of a woman does our society honor? Who is the honored woman of today? What is the modern woman like? If we look to particular individuals that are applauded as exemplar mothers we find a diverse list of those who are considered to have distinguished themselves in their roles as mothers.

Hillary Rodham Clinton

Despite her public career, Clinton has (according to some) raised a seemingly well-adjusted, level-headed daughter, Chelsea. She is quoted as saying, “For Bill and me, there has been no experience more challenging, more rewarding, and more humbling than raising our daughter.” 

Melissa Etheridge

Just as famous for her homosexuality as her music is also reputed because of becoming a mother by IVF with her domestic partner. They have since broken the relationship and now live next to each other and share joint custody of their children.

Rosie O’Donnell

A single and adoptive mother, O’Donnell gave up her movie and stand-up career to host a daytime talk show so she could spend more time with her children.

Lauryn Hill

The multiple-Grammy-winning rap artist has allegedly balanced motherhood and music. In addition to recording, producing, and caring for her two children, Hill devotes significant time to two youth outreach programs.

Madonna

In 1996, she gave birth to her daughter and transformed herself into an Earth Mother devoted to her daughter. She had her second child in 2000, and married the child’s father, later in the year. More recently she was the centre of a controversial adoption a boy from Malawi.

Demi Moore

Has a highly publicized role as a mother. Moore and ex-husband have three daughters. She is known for traveling with a substantial entourage, including nannies and personal trainers.

Courtney Love

Love has fiercely denied she took drugs while pregnant with her daughter and has claimed she’s a devoted mum who totes her daughter along on film shoots and concert performances.\

With examples such as these the public image of motherhood and the contributing role of other family members varies considerably and provides little of consistency or substance for young or new families to build their own lives upon with stability and satisfaction.

Introduction to Proverbs 31

In approaching Proverbs 31 it is important not to legalisticly mimic the example given, rather identify the qualities that are portrayed and then seek, with Christ’s aid, emulate these in humble obedience. 

Verse 1 tells us that these are the words of King Lemuel, they are the “oracle” (or prophecy, in the Hebrew, literally a burden of the heart and mind) which his mother taught him. We don’t know anything else about King Lemuel or his mother. She was a mother who taught her son how to know when he had found a goodly woman. And this is her wisdom given to him.

In verse 2, “What are you doing, my son? What are you doing, son of my womb? What are you doing, son of my vows?” In other words, what do I say to you? What do I leave you with as a legacy? She gives him a wide range of practical truth. The real issue on her heart which he expands to us: “Most of all, my son, find a good wife. With her you will spend your life, she will determine your earthly accomplishments and set the perimeters of your living and your influence. Find a good wife.” And from verse 10 to 31 such a wife is described.

The woman described here is of priceless value. She has physical strength, mental strength, moral strength and spiritual strength. Above all she loves God deeply and reverently. She is characterized in this section six ways. (In MacArthurs outline)

1. Her character as a wife,

2. her devotion as a homemaker,

3. her generosity as a neighbor,

4. her influence as a teacher,

5. her effectiveness as a mother and

6. her excellence as a person…

The word “excellent” in Hebrew means force, or substanatial resources, so an excellent wife is one who is rich in character, virtue and moral strength. It’s excellent in the sense of her strength spiritually, morally, mentally, physically. She is a woman who has left a mark on society. There’s a force about her life. It is hard to find this kind of woman. And verse 10 says she is more valuable than all earthly things which are valuable. She is a rare fortune, a rare find, a woman of force.

Her Character as a Wife

What are the qualities of this rare woman? First of all, let’s look at her character as a wife, verse 11.

Without saying anything about her it talks about her husband. “The heart of her husband trusts in her”.

The first thing we note about her character is that she is trustworthy. She is held in absolute confidence because of her integrity, discretion, wisdom and care for his interests.

The implication in the overall passage here is that there’s a substantial home to be cared for and considerable resources of which she is a steward. She has proven to be trustworthy. He has no jealousy, fear, suspicion, or anxiety. Integrity, discretion, wisdom, faithfulness, trustworthiness, fills the husband and he has “no lack of gain”.

This woman has the role of the ‘oikodespotes‘ to use Paul’s word used in 1 Timothy 5 and Titus 1, she’s the house manager. She manages the assets, coordinates the activities, is the steward of all of that which he has provided. That frees him to pursue bread for that family and from anxiety because he knows whatever he brings in she cares for as treasure.

She is in charge of domestic matters, using and accounting for the resources of the home so he is free to give himself to his work. She helps him to profit. She devotes herself to the care of his earnings. She is careful, wise and scrupulous. He can give his whole heart to that which compels him in his profession, his business, his work and know that all is cared for.

Personally, verse 12, she does him good and not harm. She always does what’s best for him. She pursues his best interests, strengthens him, builds him up and encourages him. She sees it as her role to do good to this man. He is providing for her and for all those in her care in that home, children and household servants (and workers as this originally included a farm). She never takes things from him, his money, possessions, resources, or reputation. She never speaks evil of him. Those in the home never learn to distrust him because of her testimony. She does everything to build him up. And then it adds this note, “all the days of her life”. In other words, her love for him is based upon high spiritual principles and doesn’t fluctuate with the circumstances of life.

The benefit to the husband is expressed in verse 23, “Her husband is known in the gates when he sits among the elders of the land.” He’s risen to the very top of the esteem, respect and honour of the people in the profession he has chosen in life because he has the support receieved of his wife. She creates a world for him in which he can be everything that God would want him to be.

The noteworthy aspect of this achievement in of character is the enablement (or empowerment) provided by the husband’s trust. He gives her the highest confidence and facilitates her personal growth. This shifts the expectation on being “A Proverbs 31 Woman” squarely onto being “A Proverbs 31 Man”. If your wife is not such as woman as herein described than the first point of investigation must be your life and character as husband. If the young lady in whom you have an interest or are engaged to is not suh a woman than you are the one who needs to grow in order to lead and enable her.

Her Devotion as a Homemaker

Being a homemaker is not a popular thing today. Vivian Gornick, a professor at the University of Illinois said, quote:

“Being a housewife is an illegitimate profession.

It’s replaced prostitution, in her mind. In God’s economy being a wife is an exalted role.

The sphere of the woman’s excellence is the home. She is the house manager according to, Titus 2:5. In Prov 31:13 we see her contribution in that role unfold.

Notice verse 13. “She seeks wool and flax, and works with willing hands.” in this case making clothing, blankets. The idea being she searches for the quality product. This involves invesitgation and research to ensure the best value for money. She brings home the wool, which was used for clothing in the cold times. Flax was used for linen which would be worn in warmer times and would be used for the specially beautiful clothing that they would wear at any season. Her relation to her husband do not make her a religious recluse, pretending to be spiritual when really being irresponsible. She is not defining laziness as spirituality. She is not shirking the duties of the home. There’s no place in this woman’s life for self-indulgence or inactivity. This is not the description of an idle busy body, with the vacant mind of a desperate housewife with nothing nothing better to waste time on the demonic counsel of Oprah Winfrey. She is full of energy. She is full of activity.

The second part of the verse says she is motivated to work with her hands in delight. She loves the family and her husband and it’s her love that puts delight in her work. The Syriac version translates:

her hands are active after the pleasure of her heart

Verse 14 says, “She is like the ships of the merchant; she brings her food from afar.” This speaks to engagement in good planning and good management.

Verse 15 says, “She rises while it is yet night and provides food for her household and portions for her maidens.” Typically in the east a little terra cotta lamp with oil and a little wick floating in the oil lamp is always burning in the house (see verse 18). The wick would only burn as long as the oil was there. When the family went to sleep at sundown, the oil would not last all night and the wife would rise some time after midnight, put oil in the lamp, keep it lit and then begin to do the work that was required to feed the family that day. She had to grind the corn and prepare all the day’s meals. Her household could enjoy comfort while she made the sacrifice for their greater enjoyment. She was much more concerned with the blessing and joy of the people she loved then with her own indulgence.

The term “portions to maidens” means assignments or portions of work, not food. When she got up in the middle of the night the maidens who were servants in the household also got up and she assigned their tasks so that everybody was busy getting ready for the family and the household. She is every bit the manager of the household.

To depreciate the role of a wife within the family home is foolish. The breadth of the role of is amazing; To be able to be an economist; a steward of funds and resources; to be able to analyse all the products available; to be strong enough and well planned enough to make the right moves at the right time to acquire the right things takes a woman of considerable quality.

Verse 16: She considers a field and buys it, from her earnings she plants a vineyard. There’s independence in that. It doesn’t say her husband bought it, she bought it. She made the decision that it was wise.

You say, “Well where did she get the money? Did she have a job on the side?” The answer is “Exactly, Yes!” Look at verse 24. “She makes linen garments and sells them; she delivers sashes to the merchant.” The word merchant literally is referring to the Phoenician merchant sailors of the ancient world.

She makes wise investments to assist her husband. She labors to help. She takes the money that she has earned on her own and invests that in a long-term investment for the benefit of her family and her children and her grandchildren.

Verse 17 says she dresses herself with strength and makes her arms strong. The first statement, expresses the energy or the force of this woman. It could be translated “strength is wrapped around her”. The hebrew word “strength” means boldness or loudness and is often used in the context of describing God’s majesty and praise. This is not a description of a timid, cowering, brow-beaten woman. This is a confident able “strong” lady. Her arms are not strong because she goes to “Curves”. Her strength is a result of becoming a blessing to her family…totally selfless. This is what permeates this passage, her humility, her selflessness, her love, the joy and delight of everything she does because she’s lost in the love of her household.

Verse 18 says “she perceives that her merchandise is profitable”. In other words, as the Septuagint says ‘she makes a good profit’. She sees that it’s good for the family. She’s motivated by benefiting others. This is the woman of God’s design. She is not motivated by self- fulfillment, self-esteem, self-glory, self-adulation, but by the fact that she sees what she does bringing good to others.

Verse 21, says she’s not afraid of the snow for her household. She has planned for times of hardship and possibly struggle, “For all her household are clothed with scarlet.”

MacArthur suggests the scarlet is added to show you that this woman has a touch of class. Normally the wool wouldn’t need to be colored or dyed. She dyed it deep red in color because that was the color of elegance. It was also dark and dark clothes tend to keep the heat in better. So she made them not just functional but she made them lovely as well. And she planned far enough ahead so that she didn’t worry at all when the cold came because everything was ready.

Verse 22 adds she made bedding and “is clothed in fine linen”. In other words she has emense pride in the quality of her presentation. Not accessories of finement such as silk and gold and pearls etc. Just linen, not expensive, but the best she could do. She takes care of herself. She avoids an ostentatious display and opts for graceful simplicity. She knows that a woman’s true adornment, as Paul said in 1 Timothy and Peter in 1 Peter 3, is purity, chaste character, virtue, godliness, and inner beauty. She seeks to honor God, her family, and her husband. That does not preclude her own loveliness for that brings delight and joy to everyone. She manages it all, for her family, even for herself and has enough time, verse 24 says, as we noted, to bring a little extra in and enrich the family.

Her Generosity as a Neighbour

We skipped verse 20 so let’s go back and note the third thing about her; her generosity as a neighbor. Verse 20 says she opens her hand to the poor and reaches out her hands to the needy. She demonstrates not only devotion to her home but compassion on all those who don’t have the privilege of being in a home like her home.

This implies that she reaches out to touch the ones who don’t come near her. She reaches out to those who stay away with the idea of feeding them and clothing them and enriching their life through her resources. She is engulfed in her family but is not myopic. It’s not isolationism. She cares about others, too.

Her Influence as a Teacher

The fourth description is in verse 25 and 26. She is clothed in strength and dignity and smiles at the future. “Strength”, the same word from verse 17, has to do with spiritual character. Dignity has to do with class, quality. She is a woman of great character, strong, dignified. She has grace and confidence. She has a spirituality that is the foundation of her teaching. When you demand your family to be what you’re not, you’re only telling them to pass on the legacy of hypocrisy. The teacher in the home is the woman who has gained the right to be heard and believed because strength and dignity are her clothing.

It says, “And she smiles at the time to come.” She has no fear because all things are in God’s hands. It will be well in the future for her children because they are properly brought along in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. It will be well in the future for her husband for she has made provision in his case for him to be the best that he can be. It will be well in the eternity to come for all of them because of her life. She has made a positive spiritual impact.

She guides her family daily in wisdom. The father is to be a leader in the home. But that does not preclude the reality that the mother day in and day out, hour in and hour out is teaching wisdom to the children. Not formal classes, but instruction in the flow of life. A great example for this is how Lily has been learning the Children’s Catechisim (which is based on the Shorter Westminster Catechisim). I chose and provided the material, and I help Lily with her recollection, but Rachel is the one teaching her.

“The wisdom of God comes out of her mouth and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.” Literally in Hebrew, ‘the tora of everlasting kindness is on her tongue‘. The word for ‘kindness’ is the same as the word ‘grace’ in the NT. Therefore she is not just teaching from compassion and tenderness, but from grace. Rom 8:2 For the law of the Spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death. The gospel of Christ permeates her life.

Her Effectiveness as a Mother

Fifthly, we note her blessedness or her effectiveness as a mother. In verse 27 it sums up her leadership in the house by saying she looks well to the ways of her household. She exercises a diligent surveillance. She manages the children well, all the resources, the entire household. She doesn’t eat the bread of idleness. In other words, she is not eating the product of laziness, she’s eating the product of effort. She has real satisfaction that comes from a supreme effort. And it implies that her children are part of this because verse 28 says, “Her children rise up and call her blessed.” They reverence and honor her. They hold her in high esteem.

And there’s another dividend for her motherhood. Verse 28 says “her husband also and he praises her”. And he says, “Many daughters have done nobly but you excel them all.” There are many women of strength, women of force, women of character but, honey, you’re the best. That’s a woman’s reward. You invested in your children and they’ll return it. You invested in your husband and he’ll return it.

Her Excellence as a Person

The last point – the spiritual dimension. Please notice verse 30, “Charm is deceitful.” Charm means to be favoured or prefered because of your physical beauty in the Hebrew. How is your ‘body image’? Some women spend all their time on their bodily form. That is deceitful because that’s not the real you. Outward, physical beauty has no lasting value, it’s vain, useless, empty and transient. The woman of excellence is one who fears the Lord, she shall be praised, give her the fruit of her hands and let her works praise her in the gates. This is an eternal quality. When you live with a woman who fears and loves God and you are in the best environment. She’ll become more genuinely beautiful to you every passing year.

Only God can produce this woman who will be praised by her children and her husband; who will be given the product of her hands; who is not only privately rewarded with the product of her hands by those she loves; but publicly rewarded as her works praise her in the gates. This is the woman that God wants, that every man should desire, and that every woman should desire to be…one who is true to her husband; one who manages well her home; compassionately cares for the needy; lives and teaches divine wisdom with kindness, compassion and grace; fulfills the call of a mother so that her children bless her and though she seeks no praise will receive it anyway because of the character of her life.

We can’t promote this woman to our society. She is cast aside for one who is ambitious and self seeking. This is a woman of God’s standard, a woman of excellence by God’s grace.